


Being VIXX's Maknae

by lyhsshi



Category: VIXX
Genre: Bromance, Drama, M/M, OT6, light HyukBin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-04-30 11:09:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14495637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyhsshi/pseuds/lyhsshi
Summary: Hyuk believes he is a burden to his hyungs. Being constantly charged and having his mistakes pointed out often, he concluded that he was not keeping up with the others. In front of the older, he was strong, accepting criticism and trying hard to adjust and grow as a dancer and singer, as a true idol. But this was choking him, crushing him inside.





	1. ; thoughts ;

**Author's Note:**

> Here is one more VIXX fanfic. The original is in pt-br and I’m re-writing in English. This is focused on Hyukkie~ is more OT6 and has a little of hyukbin *-* a shortfic. I’m aprehensive because I had this idea while watching MyDol and how baby!Hyuk suffered in his debut days, but now he’s a grown up and a SatanHyuk, so it was strange for me writing something like this ehehhe  
> English is not my first language, so any typo please let me know.  
> Hope you enjoy~

The group's routine preparing for the comeback was always the same in recent months. Learning and practicing the choreography for hours, with only short breaks to hydrate and recover some of the energy, all to improve the steps and synchronize as much as possible. The leader did not accept faults, from no one including himself, he charged and interrupted when necessary to draw attention to any mistakes.

And again that long day, Hakyeon stopped his movements going to the stereo to turn off the new music. His face was serious and not happy, contrary to what he always showed in front of the cameras. He stood a few moments in silence, watching each member panting, looking to inspect their features.

"What do you think you're doing?" He made a dramatic pause, the tension in the dance room raising. "Leo-ya the steps are all right, but put more energy into it. Ravi raise your arms more in the chorus steps, they were out of sync ok?"

The boys waved while taking a few sips of water and Hakyeon approached the youngest of the group with a more severe look, the boy just stood there with his arms behind his body and slightly fallen head forward staring at the floor, listening to what he was saying.

"Hyuk, the second part you need to be faster with your feet movements. It's delaying and always running over Hongbin in exchanging sides. How many times do I need to tell that, huh? And in your solo, your position is further to the right, otherwise, you will always end up in front of Ken."

The youngest looked up without much to comment beyond to apologize, and to focus on the points that the leader highlighted being his weaknesses right now.

"I am sorry hyung."

"I don't want excuses, we will improve that."

The leader then showed him once again the part he was failing, asking him to follow, making sure that the youngest had paid attention. He returned to the machine and put the music to play, and then they started the choreography training series again.

They repeated a few times without stopping, some mistakes here and there that the leader pointed out without interrupting, and Sanghyuk still had trouble performing the steps' sequence he needed to do, in order to invert sides with Hongbin. He was frustrated with himself. It was not hard and he had memorized everything, but for some reason, he couldn't do and he fumbled at the time. And it seemed Hyuk was not the only one frustrated, seeing the way the leader went to the corner of the mirrored room, abruptly stopping the music after another of his mistake.

"YAH! Sanghyuk! What is it? Did you not hear what I said?" He ended up wincing with the fact of the leader actually using his real name. Hakyeon sighed sorrowfully in a visible attempt to control the nerves and ran his fingers between the fringe wires ruffling them. "Okay, fifteen-minute break and then we continue. Ravi, Hongbin, help Hyuk."

Without further delay, the boys approached the maknae, Hongbin smiling encouraging and Wonshik giving him little slaps on the back. The trio was right there in the center of the room, recalling the steps and the youngest absorbing carefully everything Wonshik and Hongbin spoke to him. Their tips were good and he felt a little more confident he could this time. They repeated the part of the choreography Sanghyuk was failing in a slowly way so he could follow, and everything seemed to be working.

The leader clapped his hands catching everyone's attention and resumed rehearsal. The first time Hyuk smiled pleased that he had been able to perform without further hindrances, but he could feel every muscle of his body. He was quite tired, and didn't doubt for a second that all the others were too, yet he forced himself to push harder. After all, they had to repeat again and again because of him, for not having success in his steps.

Sanghyuk had already lost count of how many times they had repeated the choreography, had also stopped counting how many times he had spoiled the rehearsal again. Impatience was clearly beginning to show in his group mates, the leader was more furious than before and even Taekwoon stared him more intimidating than ever. When Sanghyuk got lost again in the rhythm of the music, moving late in its beats, Hakyeon lost his temper.

"I don't know what to do with you anymore, Hyuk." The leader sighed in exhaustion.

Hyuk murmured another apology and even with his head down he noticed Wonshik and Hongbin exchanging glances and then returning them to him, silently questioning his slides in the choreography they reviewed moments ago. The boy just stared at the floor ashamed for failing in such a way with the elders who had helped him.

Watching the heavy mood all day, Jaehwan thought of relaxing the boys a bit, after all, they were supposed to be doing something they enjoy and have fun with it, of course there were moments of tension, but the way they current were was too much even for him to bear. He used to make a few jokes throughout the rehearsal, but apparently it didn't please the leader, especially after the last one.

"Wow N-hyung~ I think someone is in those days today..." He laughed commenting with Hongbin and being accompanied by the younger and Wonshik who was nearby.

"Jaehwan! This is no time for jokes. This is serious." The boy was startled by the harshness that Hakyeon had given him.

The others immediately stopped laughing, staring at the leader beside the stereo, about to turn it on again. They saw him waving his free hand, ordering them to position themselves, and then pressed the play button.

The awkward situation still prevailed, but they were somewhat accustomed to it during a comeback, only this time the leader seemed much more sensitive, and sensitive to everything. The boys stayed for hours practicing without really knowing how many had really gone, no rest beyond the usual ones to drink water and get some of their breath back. They were exhausted, yet they didn't lose the energy needed to be shown in the dance, and Sanghyuk even put extra energy in order to keep up with his hyungs.

 

 

So when the music came to an end, and they were given a few minutes to rest, the maknae fell on the ground, barely able to drink water, sometimes so breathless that his voice escaped between his lips. Facts that didn't go unnoticed and Hyuk would eventually get scolded for not moisturizing right, besides being called attention to correct the way he was controlling his breath.

And as always he ignored his body's need to relax, muscles aching, he forced himself to rise, drink water and force his breathing back to normal. All this just to start that cycle again, and again, and again. He didn't complain and would not complain, after all that was the life he chose to follow, which he loved to experience. He was so lucky to have been chosen rather than many more prepared, more experienced. But sometimes there were a lot of things he needed to worry about, and Hyuk still hadn't learned very well how to deal with all the events.

When the leader finally decided to end the rehearsals of that day, face satisfied with the progress that they had attained, but his mind still pondering some small corrections to be made (the critical point where Hyuk bumped into Hongbin had been overcome), Hyuk tried not to sit on the floor, lying down was a very inviting option that had been ignored. If he did, he would not get up. Quickly he reached for his bottle of water and took his backpack from the floor, placing it on his back. He waited while the other boys prepared to return to the dormitory.

In not much more than forty-five minutes they were entering the apartment, ready to eat something and get ready to finally rest. The trip was quiet as none of them had enough mood to hold a conversation for more than five minutes. Maybe Jaehwan still had some energy left.

Sanghyuk just wanted to take a shower of hot water, fill his stomach with some delicious food and fall on the bed to provide a break from worn out muscles. But he was the maknae... He was the last in line to use the shower.

Well, almost always, because there were a few moments when Hakyeon let all the boys went before him and he as last. The younger thanked him that this had been one of those days. And then he could do what he had just wanted a little earlier, with one less person saved him almost ten minutes of waiting.

Dinner was short and simple, they didn't have the luxury of having a full meal worthy of those shown in movies, but it was enough to satisfy the boy's hungry stomach. After helping to clean the kitchen, Sanghyuk went into the bedroom, exhausted as he lay down on the bed allowing himself to relax completely for the first time that day. He was sure that getting up the next day would be a hardship and that his muscles would remain sore for a long time, though it was something he would not think about now. At that very moment, his thoughts wandered about how he would do so as not to be a burden to his hyungs, how he would be able to keep up with them and not delay them as he had been doing.


	2. ; efforts ;

The next day wasn’t much different from the previous one. They continued practicing all day, the only break for more than two hours was for lunch, and the leader was equally irritated. Hyuk noticed that he was getting most of the acid remarks from the older, besides being warned twice as much as his hyungs.  
  
But it was okay, he repeated in his mind once more, while he deceived himself that he couldn’t improve on his performance. He went over everything that happened during the day. The steps were mostly good, but in the leader’s view - and on his own - he still had to improve, especially in facial expressions. He was so focused on learning and mastering the choreography that he put aside this important part too, and as if Taekwoon-hyung, who usually did not show many facial expressions, had already solved that.  
  
The younger’s eyes were burning, and he felt like he was about to cry. Lucky to be in the room with no one else around, the other boys were in the living room or in the kitchen preparing dinner. Sanghyuk focused his thoughts on anything else, he wouldn’t allow himself to cry there exposed in the light of the room so that anyone could catch him. He pushed the back of his hand to his mouth, muffling a possible hiccup, as he lowered himself in front of the backpack in the corner of the room. Hyuk heard footsteps from outside, getting louder and indicating that someone was coming toward the room. He swallowed the cry the same time the door opened and Wonshik called him. It was difficult, but he managed to respond without stuttering. The other left leaving the maknae alone, recovering before exiting the room with a smile on his face and ready to dine. 

 

 

He knew he should be resting, preparing himself for another difficult and exhausting day both physically and psychologically, but Hyuk couldn’t. That knot in his throat was still there, he hardly knew how he managed to swallow it at dinner. Then making sure everyone was asleep, he allowed himself to cry, let the mask he had put drop and relieve the pain he felt in his chest. But Sanghyuk also knew that he couldn’t afford to let go of everything he was holding because anyone would notice his swollen, red eyes the next day, a fact that would bring no benefit to him, much less to any other member of the VIXX.  
  
After some time, very carefully he got up and, with gentle steps, left the room, going to the bathroom to wash his face and calm down. Hyuk lingered for a few more minutes, staring in the mirror and his mind focusing on the phrase, which had practically turned his mantra over the last few months, _Sanghyuk you can do it! You will succeed and make the hyungs proud._  
  
When he felt a little better, the boy returned to his room to try to sleep at last. He didn’t even remember that the leader was a light sleeper, and didn’t realize that Hakyeon had woken up with the movement. But the oldest also didn’t notice that he was crying, even with the youngest sniffing on the way to the door, he only concluded that Hyuk needed to use the bathroom for his needs. His ability to detail was currently occupied by the sleep still present.

 

 

The boys had one more rehearsed day, which in the end was very well rewarded: they were given the next day off to resume their energies before the Music Video recordings began. Satisfaction and even relief stamped on their faces. They thanked so much for that precious opportunity to rest.  
  
There was nothing brighter than the smile of the six boys when they returned to the dormitory. They were radiant with the thought that they could do whatever they wanted the next day. And for the feeling to be even greater, the day dawned with open sky, few clouds and a mild climate. Great for walking or doing some physical exercise, or staying home doing nothing - what was Wonshik intended and since last night kept talking with the others that in no way they wake him.  
  
Sanghyuk woke up exceptionally early that day, not wanting to waste a minute in the apartment. He had been scheduled to spend his free time in the company, in the practice room until he could do everything with his eyes closed. As soon as he left the room, he found Hakyeon on the couch in comfortable clothes and messy hair, a cup of coffee in his hands, and the television turned on low in some variety show. They exchanged glances.  
  
"Woke up early Hyukkie. What mood is this? Are you leaving?"  
  
The younger one hesitated a little at the questioning look of the leader, but nodded. Sanghyuk didn’t wake up early on days off, this was the role of Hakyeon being accustomed to always get up earlier due to the group’s hectic schedule, so the leader was curious to know why.  
  
"Yes hyung. I’m going to the studio to practice our choreography, I want to improve even more and since I have nothing to do today, I thought I would use that time for something useful."  
  
Hakyeon just shook his head, taking another swig of the hot liquid and addressing the younger one in a soft tone, very different from how he’d been acting in the weeks that had passed. A half smile appeared on his face.  
  
"Oh~ Don’t push yourself too hard Hyuk, we need to be well-disposed for the MV recording."  
  
Sanghyuk smiled sheepishly and walked towards the apartment’s door, leaving. He could still hear the leader say with concern.  
  
"Go carefully!"  
  
"Yes hyung!" Hyuk answered loudly.  
  
The boy decided to take a bus to the company, at that time few people circulated around the city and Hyuk could quietly use public transport, just had to be careful that the cap of his coat continued to cover his head and part of the face. On the way he watched the sun rising in the tall buildings that cut through the sky. It was a beautiful setting disregarding the buildings, and in a way the blue mixed with the orange tones of that sunrise brought a sense of comfort to the younger.  
  
A little more than an hour later Sanghyuk entered the mirrored room and turned on the lights. There was a comfortable silence on the spot, and he then settled his things on the bench leaning against one of the walls and began to stretch. Finishing warming up, Hyuk headed to the stereo connecting his cell phone, rolling through the music finally found the one he needed. Without further delay he connected and put it to play starting his training.

 

 

The song ended again and seconds later it repeated again. Sanghyuk gasped and his face and body were drenched with sweat. He’d lost track of how long he’d been confined there alone and dancing. He decided that it was better to rest, to pause longer than he had done before. In slow steps he reached for his towel and water bottle, and checked the schedule on the cell phone. He was frightened by what he saw. It was close to lunch, so he started to feel his stomach complain. He stood there for a few more minutes, checking his messages and social networks as his breathing normalized.  
  
He chose to eat some quick snack. He wiped another few drops of sweat from his face and in a hurry the boy went to the nearest convenience store, which for luck was only a block away. With the food in hand, Hyuk sat in the middle of the mirrored room, trying the first piece, realizing how hungry he was. He hoped that none of the hyungs would show up to see if he was even there, otherwise he was sure he would take a grudge as they were on a strict diet due to the comeback.  
  
Sanghyuk waited about two hours before returning to lengthen and resume the arduous trial process. But he was pleased with himself. Repeating the choreography, he was able to minimize mistakes and improve the steps, in addition to being able to focus on his expressions. No doubt Hakyeon-hyung would congratulate him on all that effort. In the end he knew that somehow or another he would be rewarded.  
  
When he made another stop to drink water, Hyuk checked the messages on his cell phone. There were some from Hongbin, Wonshik, and Jaehwan, and most of them showed how much they cared about the maknae, asking him not to wear out too much, to be careful not to get hurt or to remember to stay hydrated - this last one sent by Hakyeon.  
  
Sanghyuk smiled broadly. He was overjoyed, despite all the pressure and charge that was being submitted. And even more pleased to be able to overcome himself. He was sure that the recordings would be perfect, and that he could then give a reason to his hyungs to be proud of himself.  
  
Still with a smile on his face, the boy rehearsed, putting more energy into his movements, for an hour ignoring the tired muscles, and focusing only on doing his best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have almost all chapters translated, so I'm going to update really fast~  
> You can find my story in the original language (pt-br) in my tumblr lyhsshi-fictions.tumblr.com  
> Hope you enjoy my story, and please if you find some misspelling tell me, English is not my first language  
> (idk why i'm so nervous posting this story ;;')  
> See you all~


	3. ; disappointments ;

The members were agitated, watching the MV set closely as they prepared for the recording. Hakyeon and Wonshik finished the makeup while Hyuk had his hair finished by the stylist. In one corner of the small improvised dressing room there were three different clothes for each of them, hanging with their names and shoes on the floor. They had three sets and three costumes for this Music Video, and Hyuk soon came to the conclusion that they would take longer to record than the previous MV.   
  
With the first costumes it was okay, they had to repeat the choreography a few times, and each time the director watched closely, along with Hakyeon and a few other assistants, as the recording had been.   
  
After everything ready in that scenario they went to switch to the second outfit, the assembly team already dismantled the set to mount the next. Hyuk noted how incredible it was only by changing the three panels the place was totally different, especially with the other objects arranged in space.   
  
The second part of the shoot did not go very well, the boys were beginning to show signs of weariness and making minor relevant mistakes. It took them longer to get a good result, finally leaving the leader tense and asking them to focus more on what they were doing.   
  
As they were preparing for the third set of the recording, it was past one o'clock in the morning. No wonder they were all exhausted, both the group and all the crew that worked with them, but they were still halfway through the recordings.   
  
There were some snacks prepared for the boys and they devoured without thinking twice. Until finish, that would probably be all they would eat that day, it was not good to be with full stomach and dance.   
  
With everything prepared to start the third part, Hyuk felt the muscles more worn. Perhaps because of the practice of the previous day, or because of the long hours repeating the choreography even more than in the rehearsals, however he tried not to demonstrate and did everything he could to carry out the steps. It was not very successful, since he desynchronized several times in all the repetitions that they did. Hakyeon was furious, because besides the younger, the other members also missed in some parts, when one didn’t miss, another was there to do it.   
  
In their pause to rest a few minutes, the leader gave a warning to Hyuk for always ruining the timing, and to Ravi who had improvised in his solo and didn’t go unnoticed in the sharp eyes of Hakyeon. Hongbin was just behind the maknae and massaged his shoulders quickly, comforting him right after the scolding as they settled back into their positions to start a new recording.   
  
The tension could be felt in the air, almost palpable, and the boys were forced to repeat it a few more times. They were exhausted, tired and exhausted for being there for more than twenty four hours, and the individual parts still had to be recorded. It would probably wind up near the end of the afternoon if everything went well on the solos. To avoid confusion the director decided to start in order of age, which left Sanghyuk last. The boy sighed, relieved and a little happy as he would have some time, even if short, to rest and regain his energies.   
  
When his turn came, due to fatigue the recording seemed to take much longer than it should, especially since Hyuk didn't seem to satisfy the director at all. The boy was nervous, he noticed how the team was starting to get irritated, as well as the group members who didn't disguise the frustration of having to wait even longer until they could go home.   
  
Hakyeon looked more annoyed than ever, and Hyuk tried to remember if he'd ever seen the leader like that. Not even when he and the two newcomers were put on the MyDol program and they got a little disrespectful and messed up, or when Hyuk couldn't hit the choreography already being a member of VIXX, Hakyeon was so angry.   
  
Sanghyuk took longer than the others to finally get a "good record", as the director had quoted, and then they were able to finish. Only the maknae had to change clothes since the other members had changed while he recorded, and the leader thanked the team for all the hard work, still apologizing for the mistakes they made, and the group went to the car.   
  
That wasn’t quite right, Hyuk knew the mistakes were mostly his, not the whole group. He had just trained so that would not happen, so he could do everything right and in the end had only disappointed Hakyeon and everyone.   
  
As they were on their way to the apartment, the leader sat down in his usual place and the others settled back, the younger ones in the background. A few minutes after the manager started the engine, Hakyeon addressed to the maknae.   
  
"Yah Hyuk... I told you that I wanted everyone rested for the recording. You still went to practice, got worn out and couldn’t do it all a hundred percent today. I know you're the youngest but that doesn’t give you the right to be less responsible, we are a group and anything anyone does, the consequences reflect on the group as a whole, it affects the VIXX, you understand? That also counts for all of you.   
  
"Yes hyung." They responded in unison.   
  
"Sorry hyung." Sanghyuk added, murmuring. Tears had formed in the boy's eyes, but he was struggling not to shed them. He didn’t want to do this in front of his hyungs.   
  
Hakyeon looked at the maknae and then looked back at the other boys. Their heads were low, each one deep in their thoughts. The silence that settled inside the car was heavy. No one dared to say anything more after that.   
  
Hakyeon moved his hands as if he wanted to silently call someone's attention, and Hongbin was the only one who noticed, looking up and staring back at the leader. He nodded toward Hyuk, and Hongbin understood what he meant, gave the older man a small smile, and wrapped one arm around the maknae in a half-embrace, the youngest still with his head down, looking at his own hands.   
  
As they were tired they took the opportunity to sleep during the trip, at least that's what Hyuk tried to do. The manager didn’t intervene, after all, it was the duty of the leader to be strict and to guide them, and he wouldn’t take away his authority.   
  


  
  
Arriving at the apartment, the ritual for the bath was repeated, and this time Sanghyuk was last. He stayed in his shared room until his turn. He had a strange feeling tossing his stomach and wasn’t hungry. Neither of the members told him a word after the whole situation in the car, and he felt terrible, horrible for being a delay to the elders. He couldn’t muster enough courage to talk to any of the hyungs while he waited his turn, not even when Hongbin entered the room to get his cell phone.   
  
After taking a quick shower, Hyuk barely took advantage of relaxing his muscles in the remaining hot water, and quickly dressed. He left the room watching Ravi and Ken in the living room talking to each other, but didn’t pay attention. He can still hear noises in the kitchen where Taekwoon-hyung was probably preparing dinner. No sign of Hakyeon or Hongbin in sight. And Sanghyuk went to the front door, not being noticed.   
  
His head was a thousand, the guilt taking on him, both for the failure he was and for what he was doing at that very moment.  _ Running away. _ Inside the elevator, Hyuk pulled his coat’s hood and pulled a mask from his pocket. It would be even worse if he was recognized by someone on the street. Leaving the main door of the building, he walked aimlessly into the darkness of that endless day.   
  


  
  
Almost half an hour later, Taekwoon tasted some of the broth of the food he had prepared, the good smell had already taken over the apartment. He murmured contentedly and called Hongbin, who was sitting at the table already placed and concentrated on his cell phone.   
  
Almost half an hour later, Taekwoon tasted some of the food he had prepared, the good smell had already taken over the apartment. He murmured pleased and called Hongbin, who was sitting at the table already placed and concentrated on his cell phone.   
  
"Hongbin-ah is ready. Go and call the others."   
  
The boy smiled and quickly did as he was told. He called out to Wonshik and Jaehwan who were almost asleep on the sofa, looked for the leader finding him in one of the rooms with headphones, and they left the room. Hongbin then entered the second room to call the maknae, and to his surprise the place was empty.   
  
He stopped dubious in the middle of the corridor and with the curious look of the leader on him, thought therefore that Hyuk might still be in the bathroom, since he was the last to use it. But the door was open and no one was there. Then he turned to the leader, still a little afraid.   
  
"Hyung, did you see Hyuk around?"   
  
"He was not in the room?" Hakyeon replied with another question, receiving a negative response from the younger.   
  
The two were silent for a moment until the leader walked toward the kitchen where the other members were. The three boys were talking excitedly, at least Ravi and Ken were while Leo listened, despite the two days on the job, food was something that always excited them. He raised his voice so he could be heard.   
  
"Has anyone seen Hyuk?" Soon Hakyeon received the questioning looks and the boys' answers.   
  
"I saw him going into the bedroom after coming out of the bathroom." Wonshik replied quickly.   
  
"Ravi and I saw him after he showered." Jaehwan supplemented the younger one.   
  
"Last time was when we arrived, after the shower I stayed here in the kitchen all the time." Taekwoon answered in a soft, uneasy voice.   
  
Hakyeon worried, and this was clearly stamped on his face as the others began to stir in place. Before they voiced their doubts, which the leader could see in their features, Hakyeon continued in an apprehensive tone.   
  
"We didn’t find him in the apartment, and I haven’t seen him since I took a shower."   
  
The leader watched their eyes focus behind him, where Hongbin had just appeared with eyes slightly wide and a equipment in hands. Hyuk's cell phone.   
  
"He didn’t take his phone..."   
  
The five of them were silent and Hakyeon smiled nervously, trying to calm down and soften the situation a bit. It wasn’t very extreme, so he didn’t know why they were so apprehensive. He thought a little deeper and actually knew the reason, maybe because it was the maknae, being the youngest they were his guardians and had to take care of him.   
  
"Okay, let's wait a little bit, maybe he'll be back soon. It's not like we've ever done this before."   
  
"But we always notify someone, hyung." Hongbin snapped anxiously. Somehow he wasn’t thinking it all normal, and he wasn’t sure Hyuk would be back so early in the apartment.   
  
Hongbin didn’t want to comment, but when he entered the room to get his headphones, Hyuk didn’t look very well, at the moment he didn’t give much importance, but now that he stopped to think, Hyuk’s face was serious and too sad for his taste. He regretted not paying attention to the boy as he should.   
  
None of them wanted to eat dinner, but their stomachs complained, and the scent of food was making the situation almost impossible. Even reluctantly, the group sat down at the table, an uncomfortable feeling circulating between them, yet they ended up just standing there with thoughts filling their minds, the food chilling.   
  
  


  
An hour and a half passed, and the group was restless in the room, the tiredness almost forgotten because of concern. It was dusk and Hyuk hadn’t come back or given any news, and Hakyeon didn’t want to call the manager, at least not for the time being. He had paced back and forth in the room for some time, annoying Taekwoon, who pulled him to sit beside him on the couch as the boy passed in front of him for the thousandth time.   
  
Hakyeon was still sitting on the couch and running his hand through his hair. They had to do something, something could have happened to the youngest. Neither of them commented aloud, but the thought was mutual after another two long hours of waiting and nothing of the maknae.   
  
_ Hyuk disappeared. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Till the next one :3


	4. ; regrets ;

The leader was pacing the room, Taekwoon had given up trying to stop him and the others were relatively quiet, a rare thing about VIXX, worried and thoughtful. Hakyeon had lost count of how many times he checked the clock on the last four hours. The "ticking" noise was starting to make him mad.

Then with one last breath he stopped, his gaze determined, and he said it out loud for the others to hear.

"I'll go find Hyukkie."

"And you have any idea where is he?" Taekwoon asked in a tone that the leader found challenging.

"I don't know, but if anyone here remembers anywhere he might have gone, I'd be grateful to know."

The leader then headed toward the bedroom, returning seconds later wearing a coat over his light-colored sweater. The boys followed him to the door, and with the exception of Leo, everyone wanted to join him. Hakyeon leaned against the doorframe and thought for a few seconds, it would be better to take someone else with him to help the search, but they couldn’t leave the apartment empty if Hyuk came back how will they know?

"Okay, Jaehwan, Ravi. You go with me. Taek and Hongbin stay here if Hyuk shows up. Please" He raised his hand at shoulder height, palm facing Hongbin, interrupting the youngest that was about to protest against the decision. "Let's not discuss this now."

Without further delay the two men also sought a coat and soon the three of them were leaving the building in search of the maknae. Hongbin sighed and turned back to Taekwoon watching him sit back on the couch with his cell phone in his hands. Hongbin still had Hyuk’s phone in his, along with his own, he scanned the younger messages to see if there was any clue as to where he might have gone, but nothing. No conversation with another idol, no friends or family.

Taekwoon hadn’t commented much on the issue, but Hongbin was sure that he was quite concerned, judging by the frown while he focused on the screen of his phone. A few minutes in silence and he undid it, dialoguing with Hongbin, or at least trying to pull some subject.

"No one from the BTOB has seen Hyuk, according to what Sungjae answered me, and I believe no other artist is with him now."

"Hyung, what do you think happened?" Hongbin sat on the floor facing the dark-haired man.

"I don’t know the details, but..." Taekwoon seemed to hesitate for a moment whether he should continue or not, and was silent.

"But what hyung?" Hongbin asked curiously.

"But... I think we exaggerated a bit with him." Hongbin continued to stare at him demanding more details, and the older man was remarkably uncomfortable with all the attention on him.

"How so hyung?"

"How many times has he been criticized in the past few months? Has anyone even talked to Hyuk about this or any other subject? I don’t remember anyone stopping to listen to his opinion and how he is feeling... even me." Taekwoon ended up dissatisfied with himself for being one of the elders and letting that situation get where it was.

And Hongbin felt bad about all this. Taekwoon in a nutshell exposed a reality of facts that he hadn’t think. They were quite busy with the comeback, of course, and ended up not socializing in the right way, enjoying every free moment to rest and regain their energies.

The older was silent on the couch with his device, and Hongbin became convinced that they would no longer talk at that moment. He got up and warned that he would be waiting in the lobby of the building too eager to be inside the apartment. He took with him both phones, his and Hyuk’s, if someone calls the maknae, he might get some information.

 

 

Hakyeon had searched everywhere he could think, Jaehwan and Wonshik practically glued to him. They looked at the convenience stores next to the apartment, where they went sometimes, and they checked out the shopping arcade a few blocks down the street. There were several stalls of food and drink set out on the streets where Hyuk might be. They got to walk in part of the race and exercise trail that had in the park a few blocks ahead. And nothing.

Almost breathless, because of sometimes running to reach some boy who was tall and handsome looking like the maknae, thinking maybe he could be Hyuk. The leader let himself lean against one of the street’s walls nearby their place. He put his hands on his face, hiding between them, not wanting to reveal to the other two the tears that were already forming.

"Hyung!" Ravi's voice was close, and even with breathy features, he was worried. Without any warning, the boy wrapped his arms around the leader, holding tightly around him almost immobilizing the older, while Hakyeon allowed himself to cry with his face in the crook of Ravi's neck.

"It's all my fault..." A whisper that Hakyeon repeated over and over again.

Ken also had tears in his eyes, but he repressed them, stroking the leader's hair comforting him. Each time Hakyeon chastised himself for what had happened, Jaehwan replied softly and quietly that it wasn’t his fault or anybody's fault, even though he was deep inside thinking he had a share of responsibility in the younger’s disappearance.

It took a few minutes for Hakyeon to gather himself in the arms of the two younger ones, and he felt grateful and at the same time helpless and unhappy with himself, for not being able to protect the group, for letting them get hurt and he didn’t realize, and they still had to comfort him, it was his duty, the leader, and not the younger.

"Hyung, let's go back and wait at home." Ken hugged Hakyeon aside when he Wonshik finally let go of him and the trio walked toward the apartment. Hakyeon getting carried away by Jaehwan. "If he doesn’t show up in the next few hours we'll call the manager."

The last sentence came out in a whisper, but loud enough for the two of them to hear. It made a knot form in Hakyeon's throat, and Ravi also seemed to wring his nose at the possibility. Hakyeon knew he had been too stupid with the maknae in recent months, realized that most of his criticism was directed at the younger, not as if he was doing it on purpose, but he didn’t notice it sooner. And that made him more desolate, knowing that the boy was so young and had to endure such pressure. _Sanghyuk is okay, isn’t he?_

 

 

The brunet was nearly ripping the strands of hair in that endless wait. Hongbin checked the phones frequently and couldn’t stand still for long. He'd already been up and sitting on the couch in the lobby many times, and he could almost see a trail forming around the carpet, where he walked in circles.

Sighing again, he decided. He wouldn’t wait any longer. Even if it brought him a scolding or punishment on the leader's behalf, he would go after Hyuk, try to find him. If he was lucky he could still get it before the elders and Ravi returned or Taekwoon realized that he was no longer in the building. Putting on his hoodie and closing it, the boy came out the door.

 

 

Sanghyuk left without knowing where to go. He walked to the park not far from the apartment where they lived. There were a few people there, families with children in the playground, couples, people exercising alone. No one recognized the boy because of the cap and the mask covering his face. In a way it was a relief.

The boy didn’t want to sit on a bench where anyone could see him, he ended up going to the playground where the big tubes children played inside were. He bent down and sat inside one of them, legs bent against his chest, his face hidden between his knees.

He could hear some children laughing playing around, and he remembered his childhood, his dream of being a singer, being an artist like the ones he always saw on television. As he grew up, the dream only gained strength and he knew that it would not be an easy life, he would lose many freedoms, he couldn’t do things considered normal, but he would also have his perks, as in every profession with its pros and cons.

The noise subsided, the parents calling their kids as the sky grew dark, and the couples also returned home. Hyuk looked up at the trail on the other side. Two people were there, and he wondered how long he'd been sitting in that same position, his legs were tingling lightly, and his knees aching to stand that way.

Hyuk stretched his legs out of the tunnel, grunting at the uncomfortable sensation of movement. He then wondered what his hyungs would look like. Had they noticed that he had left? Probably, yes, considering the hours he was out. They would be worried certainty, however he knew that he would get scolded, and would even be punished for leaving without warning and without authorization.

VIXX for him had become a second family, since they lived together more than their family itself. But Hyuk was unsure of them. Was he good enough to be there? Had they really chosen the right person? Since he had been selected to join the group even though he hadn’t been training for a long time, and still beating some who had been trying for years to debut, he always had those thoughts.

Surely they liked the maknae, just as Hyuk liked the others, but the constant flaws he had been showing and Hakyeon always disappointed with that, made the younger more and more uncertain, doubting his own ability. There were times when he felt suffocated by everything and he couldn’t do anything, but this last time he couldn’t stand it, and he had to leave so he could breathe. And now he was afraid to go back. From coming back and finding the older ones disappointed.

At that moment he cursed himself for hurrying out and forgetting his phone, otherwise he might have sent some message inventing something, telling them he'd be with some friend or family member. Sanghyuk sighed and finally got up, grunting at the pain in his muscles from the rehearsals and position he was in, he walked to the nearest bench and sat there, still determined to wait a little longer before returning to the apartment.

Hyuk was with a lost look in the park, at that time there was no one else around, only him. So it was easy to notice when a running figure appeared in the distance. He watched, and it was a familiar silhouette. As he approached, Hyuk recognized. Hongbin! And for some reason his stomach seemed to roll. He concluded that it was nervousness, since he would probably be scolded.

A few feet away, Hyuk closed his eyes, hearing the footsteps approach. When they stopped in front of him, he was ready, ready to receive the warning, ready to hear Hongbin yell at him. But none of that happened. And Sanghyuk's eyes widened as he felt the older boy's arms envelop him in a tight embrace, and Hongbin let out a sigh of relief as he tried to catch his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the new chapter. As always, english is not my first language, any mistake, please tell me :3  
> Now only one left, and probably will take two or more months for me to update it, I've been busy with some stuff, sorry guys.  
> I hope you're enjoying this story ^^ thank you so much for your comments and kudos, I really appreciate <3  
> I'm also on twitter if you want to talk (lyhsshi). See you next time~


	5. ; bonds ;

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the last chapter!  
> I'm so sorry for this super late update... lots of stuff happened this year but anyways, I managed to finish before the end of 2018, as a gift for you guys who read, comment, gave kudos! It's very important to me. Thank you~  
> Okay, so no more talking, now for the story :3
> 
> This was not proofread ;~; sorry~
> 
> Read notes at the end too.

Hongbin hugged the younger boy tightly, almost leaving him breathless, though the boy had no intention of complaining. He was frightened by the brunet's action, and was more confused when Hongbin finally released him.   
  
"Are you okay Hyuk-ah? Are you hurt?" He still held the boy by the shoulders, and looked for a wound. "Are you hungry?   
  
Sanghyuk didn't know why, but an overwhelming urge to cry struck him upon hearing Hongbin's words, his concern, controlling his tears was difficult. His reaction was so sudden that the older boy was astonished, and quickly returned to wrap Hyuk in a hug, stroking his head over the cap.   
  
It took a few minutes for Hyuk to calm down in Hongbin's arms, which caused them both to sit on the park bench again, without undoing the contact. The two of them stared at each other when the younger one stopped crying, he was embarrassed, red-eyed, and hesitated whether he should say anything or wait for Hongbin.   
  
And Hongbin reached for his hand, holding it steady and giving him a smile showing his dimples, enough for Hyuk regained some of his confidence and began to speak, with the other encouraging him. He voiced how he had been feeling pressured over the past few weeks, as the comments of the other members affected him more than he thought was normal, how he didn't think he was good enough to be in VIXX. Hongbin wanted to protest as soon as he heard, but only squeezed the younger's hand more, and waited for him to proceed.   
  
Sanghyuk still recounted how much he struggled to improve, always striving more for everything he did, but it didn't seem to have any effect, and he was tired, stressed, and the whole situation was choking him, to the point that he thought about quitting. Hongbin froze in place, eyes twice larger than they were. He didn't imagine the situation was this way.   
  
Clearly Hongbin was affected by what he heard, he knew that the younger had problems dealing with the psychological pressure they were all subjected to, just wasn't aware that it was to such a point, to endanger his stay in the group.   
  
With all the sincerity he could muster, Hongbin talked to the maknae. First he apologized for anything he said that could have hurt the boy, then started a more serious conversation, trying to explain it wasn't how Hyuk was thinking, yes they were being more rigid with everyone and also with themselves. And the fact that the comeback was approaching made the boys nervous with their skin and their senses at the edge of the cliff. Somehow they ended up taking it out on someone and it turned out to be Hyuk.   
  
Hongbin stared at the youngest in his eyes and paused before continuing, trying to convey to him the seriousness of the matter, how true he was. He held the other's younger hand and they were now with their torsos facing each other.   
  
"Hyuk, none of this is your fault, or anyone else's... Okay maybe some of us have a portion, but I can say with certainty that you deserve to be in VIXX. We all deserve it, VIXX would not be the same without you or any of us. We are a family now."   
  
What the older had said caused a range of feelings in Sanghyuk, he was feeling guilty and relieved at the same time, happy to hear that it was indispensable for the group and sad to make them worry about himself when they already had more important things to care.   
  
But Hongbin didn't let him think any further about it, soon stood up and with a smile on his face invited the younger to accompany him back to the apartment. Hyuk accepted his hand and was in an instant on his feet, both walking side by side, Hongbin with one arm over his shoulder.   
  
The older reached for his cellphone in his coat pocket, amazed at the amount of notifications received from missed calls and unread messages. With an almost mischievous grin he looked at Hyuk, who stared at him confused.   
  
"I think I'm going to be scolded." And as soon as he remarked, he got a call.   
  
"Hello, hyung." Hongbin almost made a move to pull the device away from his ear, but only frowned.   
  
_"HONGBIN! WHERE ARE YOU? Do you know how much I was worried when we arrived and Leo did_ n' _t know where you were? It was for you to stay here waiting for Hyuk and..."_   
  
"Hyung... Listen hyung... Hyung listen to me!" The brunet altered his voice lightly in the last attempt to get his attention, which made Hakyeon on the other end of the line stop talking immediately, ready to scold him.   
  
Sanghyuk only heard loud and clear because of the little distance from Hongbin and the phone. Relieved by the silence, Hongbin quickly took advantage to continue before the leader talk incessantly.   
  
"Hyung, I found Hyuk, we're coming back now so we'll get there soon."   
  
_"How... Hongbin explains this right to me! Found where? Where was he? No... Where are you?"_ Amidst the barrage of questions Hakyeon asked him, the boy could still hear Jaehwan and Wonshik's altered voices in the background, also wanting to question.   
  
_"Shut up, you two!"_ Hakyeon's voice came out muffled, clearly addressing the two, and then turned his attention to the dark hair, the concern in his tone. _"Is Hyuk all right? Are you all right?"_   
  
On the other side of the line, Hongbin just smiled with the two hyungs getting yelled by the leader, and his concern for the two younger ones.   
  
"Hyung, we're okay, shall we talk when we get there okay?" Hongbin stared at Hyuk with the corner of his eyes, the boy had a small smile formed at the corner of his lips and his eyes glittered.   
  
_"Okay, come back carefully."_

 

 

The walk back was slower than usual, since it didn't help much that Hongbin didn't let go of the half-embrace, and Hyuk at every step became more nervous, imagining the possible reactions of his hyungs. On the phone call, Hakyeon seemed to be more worried than angry about his escape, the same was for Jaehwan and Wonshik, and that in a way kept him relatively calm during the trajectory.   
  
Hyuk had his hands clasped and sometimes rubbed at each other or his fingers moved uneasily. His mind seemed to be disconnected on the way, because when he realized they were already at the door of the apartment. The boy's apprehension only increased when Hongbin opened the door and they finally entered.   
  
The episodes in the next few minutes happened so quickly that Hyuk still processed the facts. His body was trapped in someone's arms, which he took a moment to acknowledge, Hakyeon. The leader hugged him tight and at the same time careful not to hurt him. He said some things that Hyuk simply couldn't understand.   
  
Over his shoulder, Sanghyuk was able to see the other members. Jaehwan with a relieved expression and leaning on Wonshik, who had a small smile on his face. Taekwoon was right next to them, and sighed several times before approaching and resting one of his hands on Hakyeon's back. The gesture seemed to make the leader come back to himself, and then he moved away enough to face Hyuk in the eyes, but without letting go of his sides.   
  
"Hyuk-ah" Hakyeon just whispered the maknae's name, he was crying again only this time of relief, of happiness.   
  
Again the boy's vision was blurred by the tears forming. He felt guilty for his action, guilty of throwing one more weight over Hakyeon's shoulders, who already carried many. Sanghyuk apologized to the leader, and repeated the words several times to him, but in his point of view, it would never be enough.   
  
Hongbin patted Sanghyuk's hair and finally pronounced himself, suggesting they all have dinner, since they barely swallowed food in the last hours.   
  
Then Hakyeon released the younger, asked Ravi to order pizza and pulled Hyuk with him into the living room and sat down on the sofa, the others around. Hakyeon knew that if the manager knew that they were running away from the diet and in the middle of a comeback, and he would surely find out, he would be responsible, but at that moment none of that mattered.   
  
As Wonshik joined them, after ordering the food, the younger boy seized the moment, and with a mixture of shame, regret, and sincerity he apologized.   
  
"I'm sorry hyung..." He addressed the same words to all the boys in the room.   
  
Hakyeon soon also responded by apologizing, saying that he too had a part of blame in the whole story, always charging the maknae and forgetting to listen to what he had to say. Ken hugged him comfortingly, and Wonshik told him that everyone had a part of responsibility and he, even taking a wrong turn, was not at all guilty. He just hoped the younger would open up with them before acting on impulse.   
  
Hongbin said nothing, only smiled, and Taekwoon, with the most unexpected response, managed to break the serious mood of the environment, even though he himself had used a serious tone. Slapping lightly on the side of Hyuk's arm, he snapped.   
  
"If you do it next time, I'll kill you!"   
  
Hyuk felt relieved, and the boys didn't hide their smiles, followed by laughter because of the second eldest.   
  
The food was not long in coming, and as the group fed, they spent the rest of the night on the floor of the room, talking and laughing at banal things, facts that occurred during rehearsals, little mistakes and deeds that were funny. They also touched on more serious matters, their preoccupations with family, comeback, from one to the other.   
  
It certainly did well for the boys, it helped them to be more united, to learn to trust each other, to see that everyone had their worries. Hyuk can mostly realize how important he was to the boys, and how important they were to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's done! ;^;  
> I really hope I did a good job at the end, hope I achieved your expectations for this story.  
> If you find any mistake please let me know! I didn't proofread (I was so anxious to share here)  
> If you want to talk to me, share thoughts at this story, or keep updated with my next works, I'm always available on twitter: lyhsshi.  
> Thank you so much!  
> See you all~


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